I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize