the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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