Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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