dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
