sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
