he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
