Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
