im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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