Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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