dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
