Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
