she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
