i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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