About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
