i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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