There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize