the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
