Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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