Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
