NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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