I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Vodka?
Forever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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