We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
