I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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