FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
