The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
