I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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