The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
