like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
