in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
