I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
