I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize