Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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