glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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