Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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