And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Green mimosas i think yes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
