i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
