she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We got so high we made milksteak
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
