Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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