Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
