Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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