you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
