I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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