there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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