I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
