Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
