I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We got so high we made milksteak
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
