Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
