My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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