Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
