Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
