could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize