Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
