i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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