I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
