Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
