Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
