**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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