I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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