Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
