no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
