I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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