.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
