Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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