I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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