And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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