Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
