you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
