Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
