my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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