I hate all girls vehemently.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
