My nipple is on Facebook.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
