how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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