His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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